I Failed at Hating my Husband’s Mistress

The Beginnings of my Divorce

It was October 2013, one week after my husband and I celebrated our daughter’s 2nd birthday in the brand new house we bought together in Georgia. Life was all that I wanted, or so I thought. I had been a stay at home mom since before our daughter was born, and all of the little puzzle pieces were starting to fit into place.

My husband decided to go to Mississippi to visit his family. I had just gotten a new part time job and didn’t want to ask for time off. So, he took our daughter and went to see his family – no big deal.

After about a day of him being gone, I found a letter in the drawer of my desk as I was cleaning. It was a nice, typed and signed letter to me from my husband. It seemed sweet until I started reading it. It started off with this –

“Megan, Well I have been trying to figure out how to do this and how to go about it….”

My heart immediately sunk as I dropped to my knees, and tried to read the rest through the tears filling my eyes. He went on to tell me he wasn’t happy and that he should have told me months ago. He didn’t want me to blame myself but he only stayed for our daughter.

I called him as soon as I finished reading the letter, and he didn’t answer. He didn’t answer all day. I was freaking out!

Like any normal woman, I started snooping through his email, Facebook, etc. I had to figure out what was going on. Not only did I find dating and hookup site emails, but I also found Facebook messages between he and his ex girlfriend from high school.

He finally came home after that weekend and I confronted him about everything. It was all as I feared. He had went to see that girl from high school, and left my daughter with his mom while he “spent time with her”. I found the photographic evidence of their encounter on his phone, and intercepted a text picture of her positive pregnancy test a week later.

I actually tried to get him to stay. I wanted to work it out for our family. But, the divorce talk soon followed. I moved out a couple of weeks later, taking my daughter with me. A few weeks after that, he moved Her into My home.

Through the entire process, everyone would ask me why I was being so nice. They all told me how they would handle it, and what they would do to him. Meanwhile, I calmly found the quickest middle ground we could agree on for divorce terms and took the normal, state calculated, child support amount.

But, I just couldn’t fathom making it a big dramatic event. Every time I even thought of fighting with him over something, my heart would race and I would feel sick to my stomach. I have horrible anxiety that made any confrontation too overwhelming for me. I knew if I let the stress and everything else get to me too bad, I was going to end up in the crazy house- for real!

I made the decision to get everything done and over with as soon as possible. I then moved back to my home town to be close to my family and never looked back.

Fast forward to today:

I bought a house as a single mom about a year ago. I have a job that I love and it pays well. I have a boyfriend who is absolutely perfect for me. We have a new baby due in October and my beautiful, happy, and healthy daughter lives with us.

This experience actually taught my a lot about myself and my priorities. I just couldn’t hate this woman who took over my life like I never existed. It really shocked me at first. But, here is how I think about it…

• I couldn’t hate her because my life is better now than it ever would have been if she hadn’t stolen my husband.
• My daughter has two families now. Her dad and her step mom who have given her two little siblings. Her mom and “Daddy Jason” who are working on giving her another. My daughter has a life so full of love. Most children can only dream of that.
• My daughter truly is the most important person in my life. If I would have spend my time hating her new step mom, it would have been a negative experience for her. I did what was best for my daughter.
• I also needed to stay strong for my little girl. If I would have let all the hate and drama consume me, I would have lost my mind. I held it together for my girl and got us back on our feet to move on and move up in life.
• When I stopped being mad, I felt freedom. Freedom from the stress, the negativity, and the pain of it all. When I let go, I was happy.

The moral of the story is that you will be better off if you don’t let the things you can’t control take control of you.

With all my Heart,

Megan