So, you finally made that big step, and decided to move in together. You have talked about how you will split the bills and maybe even who does what chore. Great! But, now your starting to see that paying bills is a little more complicated when he pays half, you pay half, and you do the money shuffle every month to get it done. You might think that life would be a lot easier if you just had a joint checking account. Let me tell you why this is very far from the truth.
My Personal Experience
Having all of your money combined into one account with your significant other, even a spouse, always spells disaster for me. I am a little over-compulsive about tracking my spending habits and knowing exactly where I am financially. I have never dated, or been married to someone who is more anal-retentive, when it comes to money, than I am. Let’s just put it this way, I’ve had a joint checking account with 4 men in my life, all of them turned out badly. The first thought I was always nagging him because he had spending issues. The second and third somehow found ways to not work, and I had to support them. They bled me dry, to say the least. The fourth always had to have the next best toy, and had constant debt that I wanted nothing to do with.
I am working on getting out of my 5th joint checking account. It’s not a joint account per say, but all of his money gets put in there, because his new job only did direct deposit and he hates banks. However, I do not plan on keeping it this way because I have no idea witch dollar or dime is mine and his. It’s making me crazy! I don’t want to have to function like an accountant with my little bank account.
Financial Differences Causing Problems
The two of you may be sharing rent, utilities, and more; but you probably don’t have the same financial goals, spending habits, income, or expenses. You may save every dime you make, and your significant other may be using every extra penny they make for some expensive hobby. You may have student loans to pay, or child support, etc. It causes a lot of animosity between couples when one is working tons of overtime to save for a huge dream and the other is barely getting by. FYI: One of the leading causes of divorce is due to finances.
Arguments Over Money
All of these differences can cause arguments, or at the least – negative feelings. I know, for me, every time my boyfriend talks about wanting a new add-on for his new bike; I cringe. My heart starts beating a little faster, and I want to wrap my hands around his gorgeous neck. This wasn’t an issue before his money was in my account. He could talk about what he wanted to buy all he wanted, but if his check didn’t cover it, it wasn’t happening. Now, there is no solid line between what money is his and what is mine. If he didn’t put enough money into my account to cover that cost, he’s using up my money! I don’t like that. I didn’t need to buy a wide-angle lens for my fancy mountain bike. I don’t even have one!
Solution: His, Hers, and Ours
If you want to have a joint checking account for bills, that’s fine. It makes sense. But, combining all of your money is not so smart (in my opinion). The solution to all the risks and benefits, or a joint checking account is to have an account that is his, one for her, and one joint account. You can easily transfer money from one account to the other every month.
Write down all of your joint bills and divide that is half. This is how much each of you should contribute to the joint account every month. Then add around $250 each for the utilities each month. If you are wanting to buy something for the house, it comes out of that account. It’s really that simple. Also, if there is a joint financial goal you are working towards, the money you save goes in your joint account as well.
Now, all of your joint bills are being paid from your joint checking account, you each can do as you please with your separate accounts. No worrying about what the other might say if you buy something, or if your check is a little light this month. You are each responsible for your own individual bills and your own spending money.
I’ve only been in one relationship where money was an issue and it was a 6-year HELL. I’m still trying to recover a year after we split. Our accounts were separate and I ended up carrying the burden, covering for stupid mistakes and financial decisions he made. I would have been better off if he never touched his own money (we did have to resort to this at one point, but he found sneaky ways to manipulate me still and even got garnished and didn’t know what it was for – ANGER). Thank goodness we didn’t have joint accounts because he would have ruined me even more than he has.
Fortunately, I found a man who shares the same ideals with me as far as money goes (we have goals to save for a wedding, a house and babies). Basically, what it boils down to is that we give and take, we discuss before we make large purchases or unusual purchases and when I’m down in the dumps and he has a bit of extra cash we look at why and come up with a plan to remedy the situation in the future, but with him I’d be perfectly fine getting a joint account (I think).
At this point, we contribute equally and help each other out, so a joint account is not really necessary. We might consider a joint savings account, but I’m still scarred from my previous relationship. I’ve always been the breadwinner in EVERY relationship I’ve been in the past 16 years. So, when someone makes less than me I’m afraid they’re going to want to take something from me or they’re using me. I’ve got to get over that, but I have a feeling it’s going to take a long time.
I’m glad you posted this. I found you through Thrifty Thursdays. It’s really opened up my eyes about a very important subject. I need to express my feelings to my hunny, but letting it out here really helped prepare me for the conversation. Fortunately, the conversations with my hunny about serious topics come a lot easier than any other relationship I’ve ever been in. We’re very good at compromise and he’s very good at accepting the fact that I’ve got some healing to do from the 6-year hell I was in.